Raising Reading Boys

This article from the Wall Street Journal is a fabulous expression about the connection between education and electronic media, especially for boys.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704271804575405511702112290.html

The best quote in this opinion piece is as follows:

"One obvious problem with the SweetFarts philosophy of education is that it is more suited to producing a generation of barbarians and morons than to raising the sort of men who make good husbands, fathers and professionals. If you keep meeting a boy where he is, he doesn't go very far."

I couldn't agree more. Thanks, Thomas Spence!

Gaming

I was watching ESPN with my husband last week when one commentator went on a bit of a rant about some issue. He turned to his co-anchor, apologetically and said, “Sorry to get on my soapbox for a bit.” Hi co-anchor replied, “I thought you looked taller.”

Recently there has been a lot of buzz on my local homeschooling group board about the merits of gaming. I think it’s fascinating how we can feel equally passionate about diametrically opposed points of view. I like that we can, though, and I think a sense of ‘righteous cause’ can bring out the best in each of us, even when we’re at opposing points of view. For me, video games are a hot topic and I have to sidestep a soapbox nearly every time they come up, because I’ve never met anyone who feels as strongly about it as I do. Without going into detail, I’ve personally witnessed significant damages done to families as a result of too much gaming. It’s those experiences that have led to my personal feelings on the matter, and so I recognize that my point of view is pretty slanted. That said, here’s my point of view on gaming.

Video games trigger the release of dopamine in the brain, dulling a person’s senses and causing addiction in many cases. But it never triggers the release of serotonin, which leads to satisfaction or happiness. If it dulls our brain function and doesn’t make us happy, why do it? Incidentally, this is exactly the chemical response that occurs in pornography and gambling addictions.

The following link describes the results of a study about gaming done at BYU. The psychologists on the study were actually hoping to find some positive results because one of them really likes interactive team gaming, and he was very disappointed to find that everything associated with gaming thus far in their research has been negative.
http://news.byu.edu/archive09-Jan-videogames.aspx

I firmly believe that any time spent playing a video game would be better used in other pursuits. Gaming can be like a gateway drug to pornography addiction to many people, men especially.

When a program is supposed to be educational—like a flight simulator or ever-advancing medical technology to aid doctors in surgery preparation, it is called simulation. When the program is not educational or does not promote standard moral values (such as the sanctity of life), it is called a game and deemed harmless. Both of them train our minds and bodies, whether it’s for entertainment or professional development.

Many people, boys especially, have a lot of physical aggression that they need to express somehow. Some suggest that video games allow a kid to get out their aggression without hurting anyone, but I disagree. In the few times my son has played violent-natured games, he has come away more hostile. But when he leaves soccer practice, physically tired and having been mentally engaged, he is a kinder, better person. Frankly, the same is true for me. If I’m tuned in to the TV, no matter what the show, I’m never as happy as I am when I’ve been exercising.

A true optimist can find the bright side in every situation. Many people seem to do this with video games, saying they enhance hand-eye coordination and develop strategic thinking skills, etc. Similarly, a drug addict could be said to be preparing for a career in phlebotomy.

Obviously, that’s an extreme example, but why should we try so hard to praise the few good qualities of a thing with so many negative side effects? Why not just choose a better past-time? Because guess what, folks? Time is passing.

How about ping-pong for hand-eye coordination or chess for strategic thinking? There aren’t any social, developmental, or addictive side-effects and plenty of good outcomes that have us using our bodies and interacting with other humans in person.

I know most people believe there is plenty of good interaction in games, and even physical exercise with the Wii Fit. I just think it comes in a distant second to reality every time.

I saw the movie “Inception” recently. It’s a fascinating, graphically stunning film. It left me thinking hard about reality and fantasy. When it comes down to it, most video games envelop the player in a fantasy world. So the question remains, what about our own realities are we avoiding by playing them for hours on end? Could we be doing things that make our realities better if we spent a little more time in the here and now and a lot less in a fantasy world?

Cinderella: Part I

Cinderella: Part 1: The Little Mermaid

Growing up freckled and redheaded, I was nearly always compared to either Pippi Longstocking or Harriet from the TV show, Small Wonder. (Remember the show with the robot girl and Harriet, the horrible red-haired freckled neighbor?) These were not favorable comparisons. So when Disney’s The Little Mermaid came out, I was thrilled. I watched it over and over again. My brother collected all the McDonald’s Ariel rubber figurines and gave them to me for Christmas in a shoe box. It was my favorite present that year. I even remember coloring a Little Mermaid coloring book while I watched the movie. (Keep in mind that I was still doing this at age 15.) Seeing a character like Ariel made me think that being a redhead and being beautiful might not be mutually exclusive propositions. That was a big deal at 15.

Fast forward a decade or so: My oldest sister told me that she had recently banned The Little Mermaid from her house. I was shocked. She’s a redhead like me. Didn’t she feel the same kinship with a fellow ginger character?

I can’t remember her exact words, but when she explained why, it went something like this: “My nine year old is defiant enough. The last thing she needs to see is a rebellious sixteen year-old in a bikini.”

There it went in those few words--my love of all things Ariel was shattered. I had never thought about The Little Mermaid as anything more than a story about a pretty redhead. But I had no girls to raise then, just a truck-loving boy. I quickly saw the wisdom of my sister, the mother of a daughter. Since then, I have not been able to look at a single fairytale (with redheads or without), except through the eyes of a mother. And I am a mother who wants her children, daughters especially, to have good examples of virtuous, strong, capable, smart women.

So, about a year and a half ago, when my baby girl was given a blanket with a picture of Ariel on it, I thanked the giver politely and promptly sent the bikini-clad blanket on to Goodwill. I wasn’t going to begin sending mixed messages about modesty and sexual display before my child could even talk!

I felt a little self-conscious about taking such a strong stance so early on, especially because it felt like a very feminist thing to do (and I am not really a feminist). But the more fairytales I’ve read, the more convinced I’ve become that these stories about pretty girls are not benign and we should be careful of them, whether they come with pretty redheads or not.

Tune in next time for Cinderella: Part II: Cinderella

What Love Is...

When I was in high school, I had a huge crush on a boy who moved in. I found out that in the place he had lived previously, he'd liked this one girl so much that he had called into the radio station and dedicated a song to her. To me, that seemed like the pinnacle of love--the most public declaration a person could make. I thought, "That is what love is!" and mourned the fact he would never feel the same about me.
Since then, I've seen a lot more of what love is and I feel stunned and humbled by how much of it I receive and witness.

When my husband would hold back my hair and rub my back in the bathroom while I experienced terrible morning sickness, that was love.

When my younger son climbs into bed with my older son to sleep at night, that is love.

When my long-suffering friend doesn't mention it when I'm late for the 100th time, that is love.

When my sisters express confidence in me, despite having seen all my mistakes growing up, that is love.

When my mom went to the the hospital every day while my baby girl was in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit fighting for her life, that was love.
Even though mom couldn't make it through the doors to see my daughter because it was too hard for her to witness the struggle of a tiny, sick infant, that was love.

When my kids climb into bed with me to snuggle in the morning, that is love.

When my husband sits and watches "What Not To Wear" with me, that is love.

When my friend gives me the bracelet she won in a blogger's drawing, that is love.

When President Hinckley sat, flanked by his son and daughter at the funeral of his wonderful wife, and cried in lonely anguish, that was love. Just seeing the picture makes me cry.

I am feeling very grateful for my loving friends and family. Thank you for being so kind to me. What love do you see and receive?

Junior Mint's Story

Yesterday, Junior Mint got upset with me because I wouldn't let him watch a movie preview on Netflix. He used his new Cub Scout skill of writing with Native American picture characters to write a story. Here is how part of that story went:

The boy with the big voice hunted the woman morning, noon, and evening. The boy swam in the river with a bow and arrow and shot the arrow at the woman. The brothers made peace. The brothers hunted the woman.

Junior insisted I sit and work out the symbols while he waited. When I was all done, he asked if I knew who the woman was supposed to be. I told him I was pretty sure I did.

Do anybody else's kids do stuff like this?

Pronoun Problems

Here is a conversation I had this morning with Curly Fry.

Curly: Me do it!

Me: No, you say, 'I do it.'

Curly: Me do it?

Me: No, 'I do it.'

Curly: You do it?

Me: No, you do it!

Curly: Me do it?

Pronouns are tough!

Accessories

I waited eagerly for my baby girl to grow hair so I could do the most girly thing available to an infant female---add accessories!! But this little missy pulled every headband, bow, and barrett right off her head the moment it made contact. Finally, I gave up putting in the adorable fabric flowers my sister made and the cute little bows I had finally bought after more than a year of choosing not to spend $3 on something for my girl just because it was pretty.

Then, one day, everything changed and she wanted to wear it at once.

Hallelujah, accessories!

A survey

Do you ever have nights when, if it weren't illegal, (I'm assuming), and morally reprehensible, you'd just shoot your kids with a tranquilizer dart and drop them in bed?

I know my answer. What's yours?

Steve Carell got interviewed on the red carpet at the premiere of "Get Smart" and was asked what super power he'd want if he could have one. He chose being able to put the kids to bed in under 5 minutes. That would truly be a super power.

The Count

My kids like Sesame Street. When we were on our school break, they saw it pretty much daily. Every single one of them can go, "Mwah Ha Ha!" just like the Count.
Last night at dinner, Squeaky Bean started chucking food off her tray, which is my cue to get her out. As I picked her up, she either deliberately kicked or accidentally knocked her tray, so the whole thing went down, pasta, brussel sprouts and all. I was super irritated at yet another mess to clean up and was fuming as I washed Squeaky's hands in the sink.
Then, from behind I heard Junior Mint say in the Count's voice, "One messy floor! Mwah Ha Ha!"
Perfect timing for comedy relief. I was chuckling about it all night.

Uncle Orson's Writing Conference

My sister and I went to a two day writer's conference conducted by Orson Scott Card in early August and it was sooo cool! Here are some pictures of things we did in Lexington, VA, for two days. Hurray for our supportive husbands who kept the kids!

Me looking studious while reading writer's samples after lunch.

Scary me! (I guess there are scary ghost tours in Lexington and non-scary ghost tours.)

Scary sister!

At the Natural Bridge...obviously.

My sister with Natural Bridge behind her. We couldn't go up on it. Bummer.

Me, Orson Scott Card, and my sister! What a cool two days! I think it saved me at least a year or two of wasted writing time. He's one of my super favorite authors!

What I don't have good pictures of because it was dark was a place called "FoamHenge." A local artist remade Stone Henge out of fiberglass and foam. So fun. If you're ever headed south on 81 towards Roanoke, take the Natural Bridge exit and go see "FoamHenge". (It's about a mile before Natural Bridge on a local road.) It's totally free and if you follow the trail further, you can see all kinds of foam sculptures. Go in the daytime, though, so your pictures will turn out.

Squeaky Bean

Here's my good little girl!

She wanted to wear an apron like Mommy!

Crazy face. That kid loves to eat!

Curly Fry put one of his ties on Squeaky Bean. (He LOVES them). She did not love it as much.

At the beach...she stole Junior Mint's chair.

Junior Mint

I can hardly believe Junior Mint will be 8 on Monday. He starts scouts tomorrow. I'll post pictures of that for sure. But til then, here are some of my favorite shots of Junior Mint from this summer.

Independence Day

Ice cream tradition at the Jersey Shore. Yum.

Soooo happy! And freezing cold from boogie boarding.

An Album Cover shot. He makes me take this kind of picture all the time. He's planning on being a professional musician (and hockey player, basketball player, football player and movie director) and he likes to be ready with his album cover shots. He gets very 'emo' in the covers sometimes.

Curly Fry

Here are a few shots of Curly Fry. Love that face! And the hair! Don't even get me started...

Happy guy with a snake puppet.

Junior Mint and Curly Fry play box roller-coaster. A big hit!

Daddy and Curly Fry on his first real roller coaster. Not such a big hit.

Summer

I've been offline so much of this summer there's no way I can really catch up with what's going on with our family and what we've done, so I'm just going to do a bunch of posts with lots of random pictures. Enjoy!

Squeaky Bean is getting to be such a big girl! The pigtails still kill me! Love them!

Curly Fry and his innertube. Happy Camper.

This is Junior Mint's poker face. Seriously. He was beating mom at cards.

Ahh. My cute honey and our little Squeaky Bean. Although, the way she's been lately, maybe she should be Screamy Bean or Climby Bean.

Not a compliment?

Have you ever had someone say something to you that seemed like a compliment, but then later wondered if that's what it really was? This happened to me a lot in high school. People told me often that I looked "comfortable." I'm pretty sure that wasn't actually a compliment. Has anyone ever told you that? I doubt it.

Last week, I watched Squeaky Bean at a soccer game as she fell down, dropped her french fries on the asphalt, stood up, picked up her french fries and put them back in her mouth.

"At least you got your fries," I said. "Good girl."

The man standing next to me said, "You are a very laid back mother. Most of the moms I know would be freaking out."

"Yeah, well, I was one of six growing up. I'm pretty relaxed," I responded modestly, secretly feeling smug to have avoided the panicky 'new mom' stage.

About a minute later, I thought, "Maybe that's not a compliment."

What do you think?

At least it's better than getting a slightly cushioned criticism. Ever have someone say something completely rude to you and then add, "No offense," like those two words were a magic eraser for the awful thing they just said? I still remember riding the bus home from school in the springtime of my 4th grade year. I was wearing shorts, sitting on the sticky brown vinyl seat and my legs were shaking with the force of the bumpy road and diesel engine. That's when my friend turned to me and said, "Your legs are flopping like a flounder out of the water. No offense."

Busted...

the crime

the culprit

Pronouns

Junior Mint and I are working on pronouns in English. We are also working on not yelling at each other when we do school. (It's tough for us not to argue a lot since our personalities are so similar). Today, I got so mad about his nasty attitude that I left the room. Junior Mint stayed and did more of his English. He was supposed to be writing sentences using the 8 pronouns he's learned. Here are two of his sentences:

He hates his Mom.
She hates her Mom.

Sweet.

Movie Moment

You know that classic movie moment where a girl and a boy are running rapturously towards each other in a field of clover and wild flowers? (In slow-mo, of course). Well, I had a moment that's way better with my little Curly Fry last week.

We were on a local high school track having some family time. The boys were running around and my HubbaHubba and I were enjoying a leisurely stroll with a half-full double stroller. Curly Fry decided to catch up with us.

So, I turned and there he was, joyously running towards me down the track, his little legs going as fast as they could, a huge grin on his sweet little face. I ran towards him with my arms out, ready to scoop him up. When we met up, I picked him up. He squeezed me tight around my neck in a way only a little monkey of a kid can. I kissed his sweet curls. He squealed in delight and held on tight.

Perfect. Better than any movie.

Losing Doctors?

Several years ago, there was a major exodus of obstetricians out of the medical field because malpractice insurance had become so high. Now, more doctors will likely be forced out because President Obama is pursuing regulations (or the removal of regulations) that will force many conscientious medical professionals and hospitals to either perform abortions or quit practicing.

It's interesting...I didn't think gay marriage and abortion rights had anything to do with each other, but now there is a common thread--the people pursuing expanded abortion rights and gay marriage rights both seek not to only have their voice heard, but to silence all dissidents. The way gay marriage law is written, it truly endangers the religious freedoms of churches that oppose it. Now, the way abortion law is being written, it endangers the rights of medical professionals to practice according to their own conscience--particularly in regard to the credo 'Do no harm'. I hadn't thought to talk about serious subjects again so soon, but it seems this subject has a deadline, April 9th. Please go to the link below from which I'll now be quoting:

http://www.freedom2care.org/
You have a vitally important opportunity to immediately send a message to prevent a critical loss of access to healthcare professionals who are being systematically pressured to violate ethical standards. Here's what's been happening:

In August 2008, the U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services (HHS) took long-overdue action to address a growing crisis of abortion-related discrimination that could force thousands of conscientious healthcare professionals out of medicine. After several months of public comment on its proposed regulation, in December 2008 HHS finalized a regulation that made clear the protections offered by three civil rights laws passed by Congress with bipartisan support.

The civil rights laws declare that American tax dollars will not fund programs in which healthcare professionals are fired, penalized or otherwise subjected to discrimination because of their ethical stance related to abortion and other morally controversial issues.

However, in March 2009, following protests from abortion special interest groups, the new administration officially declared plans to rescind--get rid of--the conscience-protecting regulation. The administration has, as required by law, called for public comment on the proposed plan to get rid of the conscience-protecting regulation, with a deadline of April 9, 2009.

Soap Box: Abortion and Gay Marriage (totally unrelated)

My friend just brought up some hugely hot topics (gun control, abortion, and gay marriage) on her blog and I left such a long comment, I decided to just post it on here, too. I'd been planning about talking about some of these things in-depth, with links and such, but haven't gotten to it yet. Maybe I still will. But here are some of my thoughts on abortion and gay marriage based on my core values and the many articles I've read. There just aren't any hyperlinks like I would've used if I had more time.

Abortion:

I am pro-life. I absolutely believe in choices. I just also believe in accountability. If you know having sex can get you pregnant and you do it willingly anyway, you had your choice and made your decision and you should face the consequences. I don't mean pregnancy is a punishment, but why should a girl be able to kill her fetus because it's inconvenient? When you play Russian roulette, sometimes you get shot. Sometimes, when you have sex, you get pregnant.

I think it's ridiculous that pregnant girls are so negatively stereotyped and socially punished. Their actions have been the same as all their sexually active friends, but they ended up pregnant. It's stupid to get punished for a consequence and not a behavior. Those girls need compassion and direction and friendship.

Adoption is a wonderful thing and girls who place unplanned babies for adoption are less likely to become pregnant again. It's great for the babies, too. Neither of those things can be said for abortion. People are using it like birth control. I think that's wrong. It's just accountability avoidance.

I also don't believe abortion is a privacy issue, which is what Roe v. Wade is based on.

From a more financial point of view, it ticks me off that abortions are often paid for by the government, but when I had a DNC because of a miscarriage a couple years ago, it cost me $4000. A DNC is essentially an abortion, but without the added cost of killing the baby first. If you look into Planned Parenthood's financials, you'll see they profit hugely from the abortion business and it is money, not "women's rights" that is their primary motivation.

Gay Marriage:

I think people in homosexual relationships should absolutely be able to visit each other in the hospital and be on insurance policies with each other, etc. That doesn't have anything to do with the government, though. The hospitals and insurance companies are in charge of those policies.

The government does have power over civil unions and they seem to work fine. When Melissa Etheridge was on Oprah talking about Prop 8 backlash, she said the only real difference between her civil union with her partner and legal marriage was that it made tax issues more complex for them. Um...big deal.

Marriage is a different issue from civil unions because of the legal consequences to religious groups who don't condone it. They will be persecuted and prosecuted if gay marriage is considered a civil liberty and they refuse to perform the marriages. They'll lose tax exempt status and sometimes even the right to perform traditional marriages.

Gay marriage is an issue because if something is considered a civil liberty or right, it won't be an issue to be discussed in sex ed, where parents who disagree can opt their kids out, but included in diversity classes and whatever other aspects of class a teacher chooses, without even having to inform parents what's being taught. (This happens in Massachusetts).

Gay marrage is not a civil rights issue because marriage is highly legislated already--there are age limits, blood tests in some states, and rules about how closely related you can be to your spouse. If such a socially foundational institution as marriage could be based only on sexual relationships instead of as a conduit for growing and rearing a responsible population, then it swings the door wide open legally to rights for pedophiles, incestuous relationships, bigamy and polygamy; I'm not a fan of any of those options. (Additionally, just money-wise, our states can't afford to give the married tax status to homosexual couples).

Gay marriage is an issue because if you believe in God, you should do your best to make sure the laws of the land reflect God's own laws--not because you want to force your views on others, but because it is your right as a citizen to vote for what you believe in. Many of our fundamental laws are based in the 10 Commandments and they've been working out so far. (The burden of proof for changing law should be on the people who want to change it, not the historically tested law.)What is righteous is also what is right. If most people share your beliefs and vote for them, that should be law. When the majority of the people choose wickedness, I believe it is their right, but there will be unfortunate consequences. If Prop 8 had lost the vote, I would've been sad, but respected the democratic process. If judges overturn the will of the majority of the people, I think that is wrong. It wasn't intended in our checks and balances system--judicial, executive, legislative--that anyone should have power over the people themselves. When judges take authority on themselves to do so, it reminds me of the corrupt judges from the Book of Mormon who lead the people to wickedness with their sophistry and conspiracy.

Additionally, people who believe the New Testament teaches that Christ condoned homosexuality are irresponsibly misinterpreting scripture. There is a vast difference between loving the sin and loving the sinner despite the sin.

It bothers me that some people will read this post and think I'm homophobic. I'm not. I think in general, I'm very "live and let live", but there are social and legal consequences that I find unacceptable with the advent of gay marriage. I think it's a shame that anyone who thoughtfully follows their conscience should be branded a bigot for disagreeing with someone else who may be louder. That said, I totally understand why lots of people disagree with my positions on these issues. I respect their views and I respect them.